Meet Me!

Raise your hand if any of this sounds familiar:

If I could just lose weight, nothing else would matter. I would finally be happy.

Why can’t I just love myself?

I would give anything to look like her/him.

Why was I born with these genes? For them, it is so easy…

I hate myself. I am worthless.

WHY CAN’T I DO THIS?!

Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day.

No, for real this time. TOMORROW.

Growing Up Obese

These are sentences that buzzed through my mind for most of my life. They controlled me. They destroyed me.

If you can relate to any of the above, then you are like me. You understand the struggle of wanting to be your ideal self, but it is SO HARD. Maybe you even get in your own way. Nothing is working. Nothing with long-term results anyways. The frustration is flipping ridiculous and you have wanted to give up SO. MANY. TIMES. Heck, maybe you even have given up (looking at you, half eaten cake on the counter…).

(For the record, I still LOVE me some chocolate & peanut butter ice cream. I just have a MUCH better relationship with food now.)

This is unfortunately how I have lived most of my life. I never loved myself or gave myself the credit I deserve because I saw myself as fat, unattractive, and even utterly worthless at times. This is the power that I gave to other people in my life. Every person who made a comment about my weight, what I ate, my lack of exercise, or even what I wore got to determine how much I was worth (Ugh, people suck so much.). I ate so much that it would give a grown adult diabetes, let alone a growing child. Ice cream was like boys: can’t live with it, can’t live without it.

Throughout most of my life, I was obese. From the third grade on, I was made fun of for my weight (the nickname “titties” was a favorite) and it crushed me. My confidence didn’t exist until I found value in myself.

Once I was in high school, I was a choir/band kid and I found out that I wasn’t half bad at music (I know… Such a stereotype). Singing or playing an instrument, I was valued and took leadership roles doing what I loved. 

Then something amazing happened.

As I started to see value in myself, I started to give myself the power to decide my own worth. My diet began to change to include healthier options and I found things to do with my time either than eat and watch TV. I joined show choir and marching band and as I was more active, I began to lose weight and discovered that I actually wasn’t half-bad looking. This mentality got me through my senior year of high school with being the lead in the school musical, head of the marching band, and I even got scholarships to do music in college!

The Freshman 15 

(Okay, The Freshman 40)

In college, stress and being hard on myself set me back a bit with weight. Okay more than a bit. A LOT. This is when I learned about the cycle. If you have ever tried to lose weight and keep it off consistently, you know exactly what I am talking about…

Starting to diet and exercise on and off and the few times I saw results, I couldn’t keep up with it because life (later identified as ME) ALWAYS seemed to get in the way. I NEEDED food to be happy (no I didn’t). I also NEEDED a great body to be happy (Meh, still no abs). This is where my brain gave up repeatedly, and where my body suffered the consequences. By my junior year, I had gained back all the weight I lost and more.

Societal Expectations

Being gay in Columbus, Ohio was completely toxic for my self image. The pressure to dress a certain way, act a certain way, and look a certain way was (and is still) severe. If you don’t have abs and wear H&M, you can forget about finding a date easily. Every day was spent judging myself based on what others looked like. Every day was spent crying for looking like a monster while trying to put on a face for those around me to look happy. 

The Cycle Continues

Through forming a healthier relationship with food and incorporating exercise into my regular life, I have learned to love myself and do what I can to have a healthy mind and a healthy body. I am now a full-time music teacher and performer with an amazing partner in crime and a beautiful fur baby! 

(He is a pomsky. If you don’t know what that is, look it up. You’re welcome.) 

This doesn’t mean that I don’t have hard days of course. I still struggle to maintain the progress I have made (down to a healthy weight and am at my smallest weight ever!) and to make even better decisions regarding my health. I am by no means a perfect person with a perfect life, but I have NEVER nor will I EVER let myself become obese again. I’ve learned so much on this journey and I am so grateful for every day that taught me to be better and love myself.

Why This Site?

My hope for this site is to share what I have learned on my journey and to help anyone like me who is struggling with self-worth, weight loss, or finding ways to enjoy their life and not let their insecurities keep them from living their best life! I have tried everything under the sun to lose weight and want to share my experiences to offer insight as to what worked and didn’t work for me. If writing 100 posts helps at least one person, count me in! We are all in this together and you are certainly not alone in this grueling process. 

What About You?

So you have the cliff’s notes version of me, but who really wants to read that?! I want to know about YOU! Please comment and share a bit about yourself and tell what you personally struggle with. If you have anything that you think I should write about, please let me know! I have tons of posts planned and will be releasing at least one post a week so please check back and see what shenanigans happen! 

You are all amazing and beautiful no matter if your journey is just beginning and are completely lost or if you have fought your battle to a better you. You are all welcome here and you are all capable of living your best life! 

Peace, Love, and Peanut Butter Ice Cream,

LJ Harris